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♥~ "The distance is nothing; its is only the first step that is difficult."~ Mme Du Deffand, letter to Jean Le Rond d'Alember~♥
..And the distance of healing is endless, but starts with a single step
Gossip, confusion, misunderstanding and third party knowledge gets very confusing.
When you talk to someone directly, it clears things up in a hurry.
When you first meet someone online, not always are they telling the truth. But really, do you blame them? I don't think we can. I for one have not ALWAYS been totally honest all of the time. And who says that when you meet someone online that you will become fast friends and talk together forever ( so to speak). So it's easy and really almost expected that people online are not always who they say they are. Sometimes, people do it for many reasons. Again, I am the last person to point fingers...
I have learned many lessons here and other places, but the one lesson I have learned is that when you ask for the truth, usually you can get it. We don't always get hurt, but sometimes we do. But when the person on the other end can take responsibility for hurting us, intentional or unintentional, thats when healing can begin.
I made a big mistake, actually several big mistakes. And now it is my responsibility to appologize to the ones that I have hurt.
Travis, I am sorry for all the things I have done in 5+yrs to cause you pain, anger, distress, and upset. I tell you all the time that I love you, yet, I do not always show this. And since actions speak louder then words, I will from now on endeavor to show you that I care. That you are my friend, and that you matter to me. I appologize.
Shy, I also appologize to you. Rude things were said and done to embarass you and anger you publicly. That is not how I would want my little girl to act. And so it's time to own up to the things I have done to you that have caused you pain, embarassment and uncomfort. I hope someday that you and I can talk, and maybe repair some of the damage that was done. You were a good friend to me, and I have missed that for a long time now. Petty Jealousy and ignorance has clouded my thoughts and I have used that as an excuse to make it right that I act so self rightous. I appologize.
as for anyone else reading this, and now scoffing and thinking "omg, what an idiot, what a meat puppet" and all the other things you love to call me/us/them...
it doesn't matter that you say this.. I didnt do this for you....
I did it for myself, and because it is the right thing to do.
Posted at 2008-09-04 19:20:10 PST(UTC-8H) | Permanent link
So, it's been three weeks. I guess this time you really aren't coming back. I hope I'm not making the wrong decision here. But I need to let go. I can't come back everyday with hope in my heart for something that just isn't going to be. Hard enough to have kept the faith for the last year, never mind the last 3 weeks. I guess it's time to move on, and take with me the memories of who you were to me. I will take what I have, and smile because it happened (thank ShyB for that quote) and just..... carry on. I can't really keep the heartache going. And I guess rightly so, as it's been over a year for me anyhow.
I promise to always miss you,
I promise to always kiss the baby for you
I promise to always keep it warm lol
and I promise that I will never forget you.
I hope that wherever you are, you finally found the happiness I always wished for you. Take care my friend. You are missed.
So I guess all that's left is to say
Good bye.
Goodbye ~ Miley Cyrus
I can honestly say, You've been on my mind since I woke up today I look at your photograph all the time These memories come back to life And I don't mind
I remember when we kissed I still feel it on my lips The time that you danced with me With no music playin' I remember the simple things I remember till I cry But the one thing I wish I'd forget The memory I want to forget Is goodbye
I woke up this morning and played our song And through my tears I sang along I picked up the phone and then put it down cause I know I'm wasting my time And I don't mind
I remember when we kissed I still feel it on my lips The time that you danced with me With no music playing I remember the simple things I remember till I cry But the one thing I wish I'd forget The memory I wanna forget
Suddenly my cell phone's blowing up with your ringtone I hesitate but answer it any way You sound so alone I'm surprised to hear you say
You remember when we kissed You still feel it on your lips The time that you danced with me With no music playing
You remember the simple things We talked till we cried You said that your biggest regret The one thing I wish I'd forget Is saying goodbye
Saying goodbye Ooh Goodbye
Final Goodbye ~ Rhianna
[Verse 1] I never should of waited so long to say What I've always known since the very first day Thought that you would stay forever with me But the time has come to leave
[Chorus] Before we turn out the lights and close our eyes I'll tell you a secret I've held all my life Its you that I live for, and for you I die So I'll Lay here with you 'til the final goodbye
[Verse 2] Hold, draw me close, close to my lips Listen intently as I tell you this Outside the world wages its wars, I'll rest in peace as long as you know
[Chorus] Before we turn out the lights and close our eyes I'll tell you a secret I've held all my life Its you that I live for, and for you I die So I'll Lay here with you 'til the final goodbye
[Bridge] Promise you our love will carry on Until you turn eternal, we belong
[Chorus:] Before we turn out the lights and close our eyes I'll tell you a secret I've held all my life It's you that I live for, and for you I die So I'll lay here with you till the final goodbye
His respectful lips for the last time And spell out the lyrics to love in the sky Its you that I live for and for you I die So I'll lay here with you till the final goodbye
Goodbye
Posted at 2008-09-03 11:06:55 PST(UTC-8H) | Permanent link
Seether: I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away... I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
Cause im broken when im lonesome And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You gone away, you don't feel me here, anymore
Amy Lee: The worst is over now And we can breathe again I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away There's so much left to learn And no one left to fight I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
Cause I'm broken when I'm open And I don't feel like I am strong enough Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome And I don't feel right when you're gone away
Cause I'm broken when I'm open And I don't feel like I am strong enough Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome And I don't feel right when you're gone away...
Cause I'm Broken when I'm lonesome And I don't feel right when you're gone... You gone away, you don't feel me here anymore
Jessica Folker How will I know
I don´t know how or where to start Here we´re standing again And I see now from where we are That our road has come to an end Though we've come this far I don´t know why But I still can´t see who you are
Chorus: I don´t want you to cry Don´t want us to say goodbye But I know that we´re falling apart I don´t need your lies And if you don´t sympathize [ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/8Kz ] Tell me how will I know who you are
It´s too late but now we´ve gone this far To see what´s here within Though we said that we´d never part Baby I've been trying too hard To believe in love I don´t know why But I still can´t see who you are
Chorus:
Don´t worry I promise it´s for the better So I think we should let it go now And maybe we'll find love again
Answer : Sarah McLachlan
I will be the answer At the end of the line I will be there for you While you take the time In the burning of uncertainty I will be your solid ground I will hold the balance If you can't look down
If it takes my whole life I won't break, I won't bend It will all be worth it Worth it in the end Cause I can only tell you what I know That I need you in my life When the stars have all gone out You'll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently Into morning For the night has been unkind Take me to a Place so holy That I can wash this from my mind The memory of choosing not to fight
If it takes my whole life I won't break, I won't bend It will all be worth it Worth it in the end 'Cause I can only tell you what I know That I need you in my life When the stars have all burned out You'll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently Into morning For the night has been unkind
Posted at 2008-09-02 14:03:47 PST(UTC-8H) |
Comments(1) | Permanent link
sometimes I feel sad thinking about the way things used to be
i had lots of friends, and some really good close friends... now it's not like that..
made some choices that maybe werent the best.. but seemed like it at the time..
now when I see some of my old friends, I am confused at the things they talk about... and I cant join in... its almost like looking into a party from the window, standing on the ledge outside looking in...
But things arent the same there either... i feel like theres lotsa ... upset n sadness... seems lonley and not as fun or happy or anything...
things change i get that...
sometimes i feel guilty that maybe what i did... caused all the things that happened after.... its not like i can ask if thats true...
sometimes... alot of times i wish things would go back to exactly the way they were 4 years ago... 4 years ago things were great... 2.5 years ago things were perfect...
nothing is great or perfect anymore.. it all kinda just sux...
sometimes when i see my old friends... i feel more sad then when i just missed them...
sometimes... i think it be easier to go to another game site... and i tried that.. .but it wasnt the same .. i always still thot of them, and always just wondered what was happening
it was nice.. when i think back ... to another time when i had two friends i used to talk to all day long all the time .. msn....laughing... secret telling.... surfing... playing.. .having a good time... not so much now... im an outsider.. .and i wanted it that way.... but like i said all the things after? .... not so much what i hoped...
sometimes i wish i had never gotten a computer.......
if anyone out there has found the secret to time machine.... let me know... i only have pocket lint and buttons to offer.....
Posted at 2008-09-01 17:05:57 PST(UTC-8H) | Permanent link
It's not easy at 2 am... I hear her cry and think "ughhhhhhh find your soother n go back to sleep im so tired" and then I hear her cry "mummmmmmy... mummmmmmmmmmmy!!!" and I pull my sleep mask off.... squint at the clock n see its a lil after 2AM n groan... shuffle outta bed n go to her door... open it n say "shhh shhh... come to mummy... come..." n hear little feet crawl down the bed.. hear little sniffles n whimpers in the pitch black... n finally there she is in my arms with a hug, little tears on her cheeks, and a hand twisted in my hair already.. so close together we are almost one person again... and in the dark.. I hear the whisper...." I lub you mummy..." *sniffle sniffle* and a kiss n sigh... n she is back to sleep almost on my hip as we crawl into bed n snuggle..... sometimes she can't go back to sleep but most times she will... and even tho it takes me a while to sleep again.. I listen to the little snores and contented sighs... and little 'sook sook sook sook' sound on n off of her soother... lol.. I sleep on n off, as little feet poke thru my ribs reminding me what it was like only so long ago but from the inside... and when I finally give up I leave her sleepin in my bed with my blanket and pillow... and with warm sleep drool all over my arm that is dead asleep from being under her 30lb body for 4 hours without moving.... it makes me appreciate what I have... when I could have nothing and even tho I am tired the next day... I look into those big blue eyes and see happiness... and think... "you're worth never sleeping properly ever again".....
Posted at 2008-08-28 11:19:09 PST(UTC-8H) |
Comments(1) | Permanent link
We live in a world where reality Depresses all emotions that live inside of me Life can be so cruel but you make it easier You picked me up when I was down And now my feet's on solid ground
[B-SECTION:] You can never tell someone too much that you love them You can never know when you go That's why you tell them baby You tell him that you love him
[HOOK:] Baby how much can I tell you That I love love love you Baby how much can I tell you That I love love love you
[VERSE 2:] After all that we'd been through I never thought I found someone who'd Make me feel so good I thank God for blessing me For the opportunity To be around someone like you If everyone was like you The world would be a better place yea
[B-SECTION:] You can never tell someone too much that you love them You can never know when you go That's why you tell them baby You tell him that you love him
[HOOK:] Baby how much can I tell you That I love love love you Baby how much can I tell you That I love love love you
[BRIDGE:] Baby we need to be strong We'll keep love alive, that's why I sing this song For you I'm gonna tell the world I love you
Posted at 2008-08-26 09:18:16 PST(UTC-8H) | Permanent link
Remembering this day, my darling Emily♥ who would have given breath to a new soul sometime this week. Instead was born asleep Christmas day 2007. Thinking of you lots this day, and missing you much everyday...
also too then of course thinking of your brother Adam♥ born asleep May 24 2006. Who would have given breath to new soul on December 17th 2006.
Your sister, Natalia ♥♥♥ and I and Daddy love you very much, and tho you are not here in flesh, you are always on my mind and in my heart.
Posted at 2008-08-13 14:11:39 PST(UTC-8H) | Permanent link
Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St Vincent Millay
Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated. ~Lamartine
If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden. ~Claudia Ghandi
The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. ~Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
I think about you constantly, whether it's with my mind or my heart. ~Albany Bach Reid
I am tired, Beloved, of chafing my heart against the want of you; of squeezing it into little inkdrops, And posting it. ~Amy Lowell, "The Letter"
I dropped a tear in the ocean. The day you find it is the day I will stop missing you. ~Author Unknown
Missing you could turn from pain to pleasure, if I knew you were missing me too. ~Author Unknown
I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night. ~Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes
~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~ ~♥~♥~♥~ ~♥~
Posted at 2008-08-05 14:37:41 PST(UTC-8H) | Permanent link