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Here once again, seeing the end and nothing more. I'm useless without an enviroment, I'm like a leech, I drain people's thoughts and souls until they are no longer useful for me, but in the meantime I lie and I steal, I kill my own essence. I'm pathetic. 've been dealing with the same old s***; boredom, mental blocks and short term memory loss and my patience has been rusted by the idea that nothing will ever amaze me, not even myself and I've tried real hard, believe me. Nothing makes any sense or everything makes so much sense, it's pointless. I'm just too perfectionist, I ask too much, I expect too much.
People say I'm very talented, but now I've realized that success is not what I really want. Not even that would give me real joy. I wanted to cuddle with someone, feel safe again without having people judging me and expecting me to be something I don't want to be. I don't care if I let you down, this is who I am. I've ran out of ideas and I don't even feel like looking for new ideas anymore. It's all plagiarized. I'm so d**n sensitive, I detect lies and sarcasm in everyone, even myself. I can't stand phony people and I hate myself for that. I can't stand lieing to myself in order not to hurt people or be rude or be happy. I hate keeping things to myself and then I feel like s**t and I can't understand why people lie to me. I'm not different. I'm so arrogant thinking I can be perfect and that this self-awareness makes me better than most people, but I'm not any better. And sometimes I even blame my own fate, how pathetic is that? I have the humbleness to learn and listen, to forgive and respect, but I don't have the will to act upon my feelings anymore.
I'm not in control of my life, but I know where all this is gonna take me and no matter how promising it is or uncertain it is, I don't want it. I don't wanna wait and I can't get over the frustration. God is there waiting for me with a big reward and all I have to do is follow the rules, but I can't. No matter how much I don't like this place, I'll miss it so much my eyes will burn in hell. I wanted to be born again, meet new people, new places. I wanna feel like a child waiting for christmas eve again. I've said everything I have thought. I'm tired of being on my own. I'm tired of waiting. I need to slow down, but if I do, I'd feel dead. All I ever wanted was someone to really love me and act upon that feeling, but how can I ask something like that, when I hurt all the people I say I love and care about? Maybe it's just a feeling of despair in the face of obstacles, a big dismay.
I'm a self-destructive, spoiled, crazy, ignorant, h****, blind, pesimist, selfish, lazy, arrogant, coward, immature and full of s**t bum. Many talents I got, but they don't give me what I really want, something that really fills me inside with joy and excitement. What's the point of knowing so much about books and science and history if you don't use all that knowledge to make the world a better place? I keep forgetting stuff and it really bothers me. I feel rejected from the world of the living. I feel so ungrateful, but I've just lost the enthusiasm. The only regret I have is that I didn't enjoy as much as I wanted to have enjoyed all those moments and opportunities when I think of them now, The things I used to enjoy. I wish I had been more honest and not so afraid. This loneliness has burnt a hole in the pit of my stomach, like acid and then it steams out of my mouth as a brief sigh of relief. No person could ever cure that, not even myself. I'm too weak. Nothing will satisfy me more than this. I can't relax, I can't breathe. You can't always get what you want. I'm happy in my own world, but can you hear me? Can you see me? Can you feel me? f someone tells me: "Make one wish and it will come true, but once it's over, you'll die."Iwould say I want to make at least 10 great movies and be rich and famous to help my family. If I had 2 wishes, I'd say I want to visit all my friends around the world. Glowing, exploding, we will die like stars. It's better to burn out than fade away. Rock is dead and Punk is underestimated. This is who I really am. I'm not afraid, but I wish someone or something had saved me. I used to think of myself as a shooting star, 'cause shooting stars are only seen for a brief time, but I'm scum.
Joy, Peace, Love, Empathy, Good Memory.
- Jorge
Posted by Sgt._Pepper at 2008-07-20 20:18:23 PST(UTC-8H)
I'm holding on your rope, Got me ten feet off the ground I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound You tell me that you need me Then you go and cut me down, but wait You tell me that you're sorry Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...
It's too late to apologize, it's too late I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I'd take another chance, take a fall Take a shot for you [ Apologize lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ] And I need you like a heart needs a beat But it's nothin new - yeah yeah I loved you with a fire red- Now it's turning blue, and you say... "Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you But I'm afraid...
It's too late to apologize, it's too late I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, it's too late I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late It's too late to apologize, yeah I said it's too late to apologize, yeah- I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...
Posted by malicious1 at 2008-07-19 13:37:45 PST(UTC-8H)
I have played for years (this is of course not any of my regular nicks) and I always been nice and helpfull. I have been admin in several tournament rooms. On my nicks I have had chips, usually 1-4 mill. and I have always given away chips to my friends. If someone had short or where broke, they never had to ask I VIP'ed right away.
Now for the first time in my GD life I have been broke for about 1 ½ month. Cant turne it around. I have search for bonuses. I have played poker 1$ blind but just keep losing. I do see my "friends" once in a while, they say hi and how r u.
There is only ONE friend that always helps me if she can and she knows I always help her when I can. But there must be 10-20 "friends I see when im in and I will NEVER ask for chips. I think its anoying with beggers.
Thats why I write this anonomous so that you all with chips on your account can remember your friends, not just my friends.
Take care and good luck.
Posted by notmyday_ at 2008-07-19 04:23:28 PST(UTC-8H)
People buy vip gold, but one thing i don't understand is why. It gives you a couple more worthless powers. I can understand just regular vip because you can win the jackpot and transfer chips. Thats the only reason i ever had vip. Please post a comment below telling me why you have vip gold service or would have.
Posted by JoshMcRay at 2008-07-18 16:07:22 PST(UTC-8H)
