I have a long story to tell about my niece. When my niece was about 6 years old her Grandfather died. He was ill for a while before he died and in the hospital. My sister's kids wanted to go see him, but she did not take them. My sister's youngest daughter took it very hard when he died because she had not got to see him while he was still alive. Her grandfather was really good to her, but her grandma always favored her brother and sister over her, so naturally she loved her grandpa more.
What my niece had no way of knowing as my sister did not want the children to know was, their grandfather made the decision not to allow the children to come see him in the hospital. He was very ill. He had cancer bad, and did not want the grandchildren he loved so much to have to see him and remember him like that. He wanted them to remember him when he was home with them and healthier. My sister did not know what to do. She did not want to keep the kids from seeing him one last time, but he did not want them there. She talked to our mom about it. That is how I found out the truth. I have been accused of being noisy and that can be true. It was true back then I heard my mom and sister discussing it. My mom made it clear to my sister that no way could she take the kids to the hospital. She said, He is dying and you can not upset him on his death bed. If he does not want them there, you can not take them. So my sister did as she was told and did not take the children to see their grandpa before he died. The two older children got over it a short time after the funeral, but the youngest daughter did not. She blamed her mom for her not seeing the grandpa while he was still alive. In her eyes she never got to say goodby and her mom was the blame. My sister made it clear at the time I was NOT to ever tell it was the grandfather that did not want the kids there to see him dying.
The anger in my niece toward her mom grew with each passing year. She could not get past the fact her mom stopped them from seeing him before it was too late. I tried to get her parents to take her to a therapist, because I could see the anger raging inside her. She shoved her mom back against the mirror on a car and my sister has had back problems for years. She and her sister got in an enlargement and and she drew blood on her sister, and my idiot sister blamed the one that was bloodied even thought she did not hit her sister. I was sooooooooo mad at my sister that day myself, because she tried to rationalize it by saying that the older sister does not shut up. I said does not matter what she SAID to her sister if she did not touch her her sister had no right to hit her, and i could not believe my sister was trying to cover for yer younger daughter when she was violent.
Years passed by: One day when my youngest niece had a fight with her mom she stopped into my house. Both girls would come see me when they fought with their mom. My niece was about 17 then she drover herself to my house. I would usually let them vent and help if i could, but this day she made a mistake. She said my sister was such a ( insert word for female dog). I told her she would not call my sister that I love that in my house. THAT IS WHEN THE HEART OF THE PROBLEM CAME TO THE SURFACE! She said she is, she would not even take me to see my grandpa when he died. BINGO THERE WAS THE REASON FOR ALL HER ANGER. I said, Oh you done said the wrong thing to me today. She looked at me weirdly. I said, I am going to tell you the truth about when your grandpa died, and it is not what you think. She looked at me puzzled and said, What are you talking about. I said, I am gonna tell you the truth because you are holding on to this too long, and when i do you can ask your mom she will tell you the truth now, because I am going to call her after you leave and tell her what I did . There is gonna be a fight about me telling you and I might as well get it out of the way.
I then told my niece IT WAS NOT YOUR MOM THAT DID NOT WANT TO TAKE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL. YOU WERE NOT ALLOWED TO GO BECAUSE YOUR GRANDFATHER FORBID IT. Your grandfather is the one that dd not want you kids there an he told your parents not to dare bring you. She said what are you talking about my grandfather loved me. I said YES YES HE DID HE LOVED YOU ALL VERY MUCH, but what you never knew is when he was dying he had cancer really bad he did not look like he did when he was home playing with you kids. You were all too young to understand then, so I went along with my sisters plan to take the blame, NOW you are old enough to know and understand the truth. YOUR GRANDPA WAS PROTECTING YOU KIDS FROM SEEING HIM SO ILL. He wanted you to remember him as he was. YOUR MOM WAS PROTECTING YOUR MEMORY OF YOUR GRANDPA AS SOMEONE WHO LOVED YOU ALL SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH. She planned to take the truth with her to her grave. She was willing to accept any anger you kids felt about not going, But I am NOT anymore. I am sick of you inflecting and emotional blood letting on my sister every time you get mad over her honoring your grandfather's death bed wish. You are old enough now to see why your grandfather was protecting you right up till his death, and your mom did not want you to think bad of him so she took the blame and anger on herself. Now my darling niece it is time you face the truth and see it as the adults saw it. What was done had to be done at that time.
Now when you go home you can ask your mom for the truth and YOU WILL GET IT NOW! I have just took away the reason it was hidden so long. I am gonna make her understand when I call her the truth had to come out, because it was eating away at you.
It took her two weeks to process everything I told her and gather her courage to ask her mom about it. They were making a bed and she said to her mom tell me about when grandpa died. Now for the first time ever my sister told her youngest daughter the whole truth.
It was like a light turned on inside my niece. Her whole attitude to her mom changed. They got closer by the day. Her youngest daughter is the one who does the most of the caring for my sister sense her health is not what it used to be. Pretty much anything my sister needs now her youngest daughter and her family see to it she gets it. LOL they still fight sometimes USUALLY about my sisters diet. My niece keeps track of things my sister eats, as she is on a strict diet and my sister hates it lol.
NOW FOR THE MORAL OF THIS LONG STORY: WHAT WE SEE AND THINK IS TRUE IS NOT ALWAYS TRUE. WE SHOULD ALWAYS GET ALL SIDES TO THE STORY BEFORE PLACING BLAME, BECAUSE WHAT YOU SEE AS MEANNESS MAY BE A TRULY LARGE GIFT OF LOVE.