הצטרף: 07/09/2014
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לפני 13 ימים


      I am in a mood to blog just because I feel the need to vent a little.    This year the family gathering is at my sisters house tomorrow to be exact.   My extended family gets together once a year at Christmas time.   I was really excited this year cause it is on Christmas eve just like it always used to be when mom was alive.  The last time it was on Christmas eve was in the 1990"s that was also the last time I had it at my house.   My house is quite small but I made all kinds of arrangements for it to work.   I bought all the food and cooked most of it by myself.  I felt so disrespected in my own home I said I would never have it in my house again.   I could tell you all abut it ,but I think I will just jump forward to where my brothers and sister and nieces started hosting the gathering.   They all set it so early in the month.   One year we actually had it Dec 8  and then I have nothing for Christmas cause I do not have a nuclear family anymore.   My one sister and one brother used to stop by on Christmas day for a bit to see me but they have stopped it sense my sister's husband has started having health probs and my brother became a grandpa.
     Christmas day is usually a very lonely day for me and with the gathering so far away from it I do not even have any gifts to open Christmas day , because even though some of them say they do not mind if i bring my gifts home to open Christmas day, those same people always ask me if I like the gift at the gathering.  If I do not open them at the gathering how the heck do I know if I like them on not???      So back to the point of this blog.   It will be Christmas eve this year and for the first time in years I was really happy about the date and excited.   I have all my presents for the family bought and wrapped and my nephews picture i painted for him done and framed.   Then around 4 pm last night the bottom dropped out of my happy and I wound up crying for about a half and hr.   I called my brother to see what time he is going to pick me up for the gathering ( I ride with him nearly every year).  He told me about 11 then he told me he had to pick up his in laws first.   I was shocked !   I was like what you need to pick them up for he was like they are going everyone was invited and they are going with us.   First thing went through my mind is will there be enough room for everyone.   My brother made a joke about me riding in the bed.   Then I thought sense when do they get invited to the family gathering, so I called my sister who is running it to ask that very question.   She had a very flip attitude wit me that she was hosting it and she could invite anyone she wanted.  I laughed it off but deep in side I was furious. You se SHE AND HER FAMILY meaning her kids and grand kids are having a private party after we all leave.  When she first told me she was doing that I made a joke about the rest of us not being good enough to join her "FAMILY" party, but when I found out she has invited a bunch of people who have never attended our family gathering before it made me mad.   She is taking time and attention away from my family by adding others to the party , but she is keeping her party all private and family only. 
     WHAT MAKES ME ANGRIEST OF ALL IS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THE EXTRA PEOPLE WHO ARE COMING.    Why do I feel they needed to consult me you may ask?   I DID NOT WANT TO BE CONSULTED I WANTED TO BE INFORMED OF THE OTHERS IN TIME I COULD GET THEM PRESENTS.   I get presents for everyone I know for a fact is coming to the gathering, and by not telling me till less then 24 hrs before the party there will be others there it would leave me without gifts for them.   I feel everyone should have a gift when everyone else is getting one.   I have been in the position of being the only one at a Christmas party that did not get anything when everyone else is getting gifts.   It made me feel like and outcast.   I also saw the look in a friends of mines eyes when one of our after school program teachers got me a present one Christmas and did not get her one because she had been gone for a while.    I think it is sad we one person is left out when everyone else is getting Christmas presents.   Some of the gifts I get are not really expensive but i get something for everyone, so the thought of leaving people out upsets me.   I managed to work it out barely. I had bought a few extra lanterns  like the ones I was giving a few people for Christmas this year so I gave the guy one of those, and his wife one of the necklaces I make,so they will have something .   I do not expect them to have anything for me, but that is ok cause it is not about what I get to me it is about making sure I give something to EVERYONE, because I do not want anyone to feel left out like I have in the past.  It really is better to give then to receive.   The look on someones face wen they did not think they were going to get anything is priceless.
     I have an anxiety problem and the sooner I know about changes in plans the better I deal with it.