joined: 2014-04-14
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Something happened today that made me think of my Aunt Gin. I rarely think of her as she died many years ago, and she and I did not get along well anyhow. She used to say her one daughter could cut you to pieces without even raising her voice. She meant that her daughter would emotionally cut you up, not that she physically even touched the one at which she was aiming.
I am not sure if people know or even realize how their words may affect others, but some people can devastate others with only a word or 2, especially if what they say is not the truth. It hurts to have someone think something about you that is not true, especially if you care about the person speaking the words.
Sometimes the words are spoken in anger, but more often then not they are spoken out of frustration. Unfortunate words spoken in frustration can sometimes feel like words spoken in anger to another person. I was trying to help my brother format a some tablets recently. I was already stressed when he and his wife arrived unexpected. I was trying to hook one of the tablets to my computer. The cord did not fit. My brother said the end is tapered and did I turn the taper the right way. I answered him yea I had. Couple seconds later he asked the same question again. I was getting frustrated and I snapped at him YES I DONE TOLD YOU YES I HAD IT RIGHT. He got really quiet and I realized I hurt his feelings. I said look I am sorry if I hurt your feelings but I had already answered that question. He said well I did not hear it. In retrospect I think my brother is losing his hearing, as this is not the first time he has said he could not hear me. It is a bit ironic though as most people think I speak too loud lol.
Just little things we say to someone when we are frustrated can hurt them deeply. I have also found if I am in pain i get cranky myself and it does not take much to either make me angry or to hurt my feelings. Too bad we can not see the effects of what we are about to do before we actually do it.


I want to bounce something off you all. I do not think it is so much the color of someone's skin that is the cause of so much discord in this country. I think it is more the perspective that that causes the problem. I may have mentioned before I live in an area where there is nearly no problems with color. I think it is because most of the people in my neighborhood know how to be polite and respectful of each other. When we talk to each other we do it respectfully. Anyone is going to bristle if someone comes at them from out of no where screaming and yelling at them for something they did not even know was bothering them. Even though the guy I spoke to today about his music was not inclined to turn it down he was very polite as he told me he was not going to and why, but when I explained exactly why I wanted it cut back some and he realized I did live quite some distance from his house he did agree to cut it back a little. That is all it takes is a little compromising.
Before he realized how far away I lived he tried to give me money first he offered me a 20. I told him politely i did not want his money, then he offered a 100 and I told him again it is not about money it is about my health. I explained how the base effects my health and that no amount of money would fix that. Like I said in the end he did cut it back a bit. I told him it is not all the music, just the base. It was a beautiful day today and I was not trying to keep he and his friends from enjoying it, but I wanted to enjoy it too. I really think if more people would speak softer instead of yelling there would not be so much hate and violence in this world.
I did not used to understand that saying : Speak softly and carry a big stick before, but now I get it. You speak softly, because more can be achieved by calmly talking things out, but you carry the big stick in case you find someone who is not interested in talking and only wants to fight.


     Last night was a sleepless night. No matter how hard I tried I could not get my body to go to sleep.  Turns out I am not the only one I spoke to a friend on line about 5 am who also could not sleep, and when my sister called at 7 am she said she had not slept at all either.  I do not know what was going on that people were having trouble sleeping last night, but apparently I was not the only one that could not sleep.  My sisters problem was she had a bad stomach ache.  I think my problem was I could not get  my mind to stop racing.  I hate when it gets like that where I can not shut my thoughts down enough to actually sleep.  I do not know what causes it,but I do know it is a real problem.   I need my sleep.  When I do not get enough sleep I get irritated easily and mad over things most people would not even notice. Night before last I slept great and woke up feeling better then I had in weeks.
     I do not know it could be this weird weather and all the staying inside because of the virus.   I think people are going stir crazy with all this being trapped inside our homes for this long.   There is a beautiful sunny sky out there this morning , even though the air is still chilly, it is the kind of sun that makes you want to go out and just feel it on your face ( well the part you so not have covered by a mask anyhow).   I do know lack of sleep is no good for anyone.   It messes with you both mentally and physically.
     Here is to a better night's sleep tonight.  Tomorrow is my birthday and I would hate to have dark circles under my eyes on my birthday.   I doubt many will remember it, but I have already gotten 3 cards and a big present from my boyfriend.


     It is nearly that time of year again.  I always get to remembering a bad move I made in anger about 4 years ago.   As I sit here wearing the beautiful brown Wyoming hood sweat shirt the first person ever to post on one of my blogs, I can not help but think back to the fight that happened about 4 years ago.  I spoke some words in anger, because I felt picked on and in doing so I lost someone I thought was a friend.   It just goes to show the words act in haste repent in leisure are so true.  If I had taken a couple steps back and calmed down instead of going off like a firecracker, Maybe just maybe we would still be friends.   I guess that is why people tell you to count to 10 before acting when you are angry.   That night it was not just anger fulling me.   My feelings were hurt and I reacted without even thinking about it.   THAT IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA!!!! You should always think things through even more so when you are mad, because your emotions will say things your brain would tell you is a bad idea.
     It is a hard thing to live with, but you can not make people like you if they do not want to do it.   Friendship is a 2 way street and one person can not make it work alone.   I am the one that put the pot hole in the road to our friendship, so my friend took another road across a bridge and burned it down after crossing it
     I will always remember it was around this time of year, because my birthday is early next month and the fight that broke the friendship happened near my birthday.  Sorry if no one is interested in this other then me, but sometimes people just need to let the feelings out.   If you hold them inside they will build a big wall between you and your ability to let it go.  Yes I realize I have not let it go yet, but it hurts a little less.   A friend told me I should get rid of everything my lost friend got me so they did not remind me of what happened.  I can not do that. Part of me hopes someday we may be able to fix the friendship again and part of me needs to remember.  If you forget the past you are condemned to repeat it.  These things that were given to me when I still had this sweet friend reminds me not to act that way with anyone else I want to keep in my life.  I am not one of these people that can throw the good away with the bad.


   A famous sports entertainer often says Don't trust anyone, and I am starting to wonder if he was right.   Just yesterday someone I have know for years, and trusted showed his true colors.   He had promised me he would keep a secret that both he and I knew.  The suddenly and with no prior heads up he not only told the secret, he published it.   I found out about it from a real friend, and he told me to brace myself before he told me what he had read and where.   I wonder if Stone Cold was right when he said don't trust anyone.   Seems like I tend to trust the wrong people a lot.   I want to trust everyone, but the sad fact is some people are just not worthy of trust.   My problem is on the net I have a much trouble telling those that I may trust from those that no one should ever trust.
    I guess if you do not trust anyone, no one can hurt your feelings or break your heart right?   But that would be an awful way to live. If you would go through life thinking everyone would lie to you or break your heart, would you not be condemning yourself to your own private hell?   Deep inside me I have a belief that most people are good inside.  I do not want to go through life doubting everything anyone says to me.   If I trust the wrong person and they stab me in the back with a lie or a broken promise, I may cry for a little while,but they have to live with the bad karma they generated from the act.   I am a big believer in letting karma equalize it when someone hurts me, because no one escapes bad karma.   Sometimes it may take a while for them to get paid back for their dishonesty and meanness, but trust me it will happen all I have to do is sit back and wait for it.   Problem with so many people today is they have no patience to wait for people who do them wrong to get paid back by their own bad karma.   They will try to get even themselves and in doing so cause themselves to have bad karma also.