I have always wanted to hear 3 little words from my big sister, 3 words people say every day, I will never hear them now. I always wanted to hear my sister say I LOVE YOU. There are those who would say she showed e she loved me many times, and I can not dispute that. She and her family bought me many expensive gifts over the years, and I appreciated them all. BUT I would gladly have given them all back, to hear those 3 little words. I LOVE YOU, is something I wanted her, and needed her to say, just one time. She knew how i felt. I told her every time I spoke to her even the day she died, (but i do not know if she could hear me) that I loved her. I told her many times I needed to hear her say it to me just one time.
The only reason I can think of that she never told me she loved me , was because she did not really feel it. Anyone can buy a gift for someone, it does not have to be motivated by love. There are many other reasons for buying someone something. One could feel sorry for someone if their life was not as good as your own. One may feel guilty for something they did to the other person in the past, or just because they have more money then the recipient. It would have meant so much to me to hear those 3 little words I LOVE YOU from her before she died. Now there is not chance of me ever hearing her say it, and it makes me cry every time I think about the memory lost.
Our brother tried to excuse her never saying it to me. He said we were not brought up that way, that none of us were told we were loved, BUT he is wrong. Our mom told us she loved up many times as does my other sister and he himself. I do not think our other brother said it directly, but he proved he loved me when i was 6 years old, and he did not do it by buying me anything. I had just started school, and my mom had took me to a beauty parlor for a permanent for my first day. The woman at the beauty parlor messed up my hair badly. She left it on too long and my hair was a mess. Kids are cruel, and first day on the bus one of the kids called me little witch, because of my messed up hair. There was a boy on the bus 3 years older then me. He bullied me all the time. More then once I came home crying. My big brother who was 10 years older then me and 7 years older then the bully paid him a visit. According to my sister ( because I was not with him when he did it) my brother paid the bully a visit, and told him what was going to happen if he did not leave his little sister alone. I never did find out the exact words he told the bully, but it worked he left me alone after that. I told that story at my brother's funeral in 2016. Once someone proves to me they love me it is not as important for me to hear it , then it is if they have just thrown gifts at me.
I really needed to hear my sister say she loved me , and now I never will, and I have no idea how I will ever move past the emptiness inside me at her dying without telling me she loved me. I do not know how I will ever stop thinking maybe she did not really love me and all the gifts were for show.
My advice to everyone is IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM WHILE YOU ARE BOTH STILL ALIVE, because when one of you are dead, it is too late, and all that are left behind are longings and heart ache.
( by the way IF you want to see how I looked in first grade, I put a pic in the photo section on this account. It was my school picture that year , so you need to realize mom had a couple months to try to tame my wild hair down some for the picture. It was much worse the first day) I was so excited about going to school, and then to start getting bullied the very first day kind of took the edge off my happy.
The Words I Will Never Hear
My Bio
https://www.youtube.com/video/5RUR55XOThc/
I shot this video for an English-speaking audience with a story about myself and my hobbies, and also to experiment with how the language will affect the number of viewers of the video.
In it, I told some of the brightest moments (After all, it is impossible to tell everything in one video), so subscribe to the YouTube-channel, because then - more...(Repost ???? ) (There are subtitles with translation)
#selfie, #guy, #face, #friends, #portrait, #fun #vlog #youtube #videos #fb #pr
The next 10 controversial truths I refuse to be dissuaded of
The biggest threat to young black men is not white police officers, but other young black men.
Wandering about, looking for something to be offended by, you will certainly find it. No one cares.
Colleges should be more than grievance factories. And while your average waiter has a bachelor's degree, you can't find a plumber to save your (literal!) ass.
God exists.
Feelings are not facts.
A shadow government has existed in the US since at least 2016.
"Should we bring extinct creatures back to life?" No.
The one entirely consistent thing about climate is that it changes.
Wall Street is nothing but a giant casino, and the only people making money there are making it off of you.
Parenting is not a "grow your own best friend" process.
Zvesti prijatelj Jack
Moje ime je Jack in 12.11.'23 bom praznoval svoj drugi rojstni dan. Sem zelo igriv in otrokom prijazen, tudi do drugih kužkov sem prijazen in igriv.
Od veselja, do igre, zelo rad skačem, kar mi moji lastniki ne dovolijo, ker so mnenja, da bi to drugi videli kot napad (verjetno zaradi moje pasme !).
Z svojim gazdom se rad sprehajam ob Savinji in igram v parku z svojimi prijatelji, ki sem jih spoznal na sprehodih.
Nekateri me že poznate, drugi ne, ampak me še boste.
ZATO VAS ... PRIJETNO POZDRAVLJAM IN NAPROŠAM!
Ko me srečate na sprehodu, ne se me bat ... jaz bi se samo igral.
PS.
Če pa me, na sprehodu, srečate z mojo lastnico!
Bodite previdni ..... ona je poglavlje zase, neke čudne pasme !!!!!!!!!
REVIEW 5: Mated to the Alpha
This review is going to be shorter than most. Mated to the Alpha audiobook, Do not waste your time or your money. The plot is weak at best. The characters are not fully developed. I did however catch a little sleep the first time I tried to listen to this. To be fair, I went back and rewound it and listened to it all. The only good thing I can say about this book is: It is short. It was written in 2020 and labeled as book 1. I can see why there was never a book 2 in the series ( if you can call 1 book a series, lol)
To all the Heartbroken Parrot Heads out there ....
♥ R.I.P. Jimmy Buffett ♥ ... Gone to soon and will be Sadly Missed Thank goodness for your Music for us to keep your memories alive
https://youtu.be/jBsPZV14I-k?si=Xp9WWXbgcUaTUIUe
https://youtu.be/tUlf4LvMJus?si=581r7l159Zf0XkUR
WOW IT REALLY IS TRUE
LOL It really is true what they say about people that make assumptions. It has come to my attention that she knows who she is, and her minions were flapping their jaws about me AGAIN. Like my mom used to say, if they are talking about me, they are leaving someone else alone. THE BEST PART IS: They are straight up WRONG, lol, and they are too dumb to know it. The REAL reason was not even close to what they are trying to spread around that it was. The truth was it was an internal thing and nothing at all to do with anyone or anything not directly associated with where I call home now. I have said it before, and I will say it again she knows who she is, has not power here or over me, and any thought on her part she does so is strictly delusional, and she may want to see a doctor about those delusions. Although, people with narcissistic personalities tend to have an over inflated opinion of their own value. So I am just going to sit back and LMAO while she knows who she, is continues to make a fool of herself thinking she rules the whole net.
Perfect does NOT exist..
The perfect person. There are too many people out there this day and age worrying about finding the perfect person. You endlessly search, you'll try meeting new people, you take risks, yet you’ve been hurt so many times that you don’t let anyone in. You’re afraid of failures and letdowns. You're afraid of lies and deceit. Who is real and who’s not. You doubt. You question.You pick apart everyone you come across, trying to mix and match pieces you liked about previous people you’ve filled and shared your life with, yet could never fully fill that void you so desperately tried to create in a perfect person. You place too much hope, faith, and burden on everyone you come across because you’re so eager to find that flawless person, constantly searching for that one person who will bring your life to some sort of meaningful culmination that doesn’t exist.What a lot of people dont understand is that true love won’t be at first sight. It won’t even be at first impression. Overtime it's actually built. From both of your flaws. From the deepest of trauma and the happiest of times. From the failures and lessons of both people. The flaws that make you who you are, the moments you’ve experienced, good and bad, better and worse, from rock bottom to the very top. They all have their place in time. In healing. In moving forward. In rebuilding, both together and alone. People keep trading in real value for things you think are easily replaceable. It’s an illusion. The promise of better is an illusion. It’s the biggest lie there is. Better is a relative to where you are in your life and your path of healing. The harsh battles are where the deepest of bonds are created with one another. Suffering as one, as a team, as a whole, as a unit, or as a single entity. This is where true connection is formed. Your foundation will crumble time and time again if the brick and mortar are made up of your combined trials and errors aren’t there. Physical contact and empty promises, promises forged from delusions of grandeur will only get you so far, before your lack of a foundation causes you to collapse in on yourself time and time again.Don’t be afraid of the building. Don’t be afraid of the pain. Embrace the shortcomings. Embrace the cold. Embrace life. Once you have, you can sit back and marvel at the failures and losses, together.Without them, how would we ever know just how thankful we should be for this mystery we call life.True vulnerability in the form of a mirror image of yourself is where you will find it. Fall in love with yourself, and you’ll find this person. Your truest reflection. Don’t look for someone you can be perfect with. Look for someone you can build with. Someone you can be vulnerable with. Someone you can be your ugliest self with and still be accepted. Take my advice and find someone you can genuinely grow with to the point where at the moment you become in their presence, it feels like you're finally home,Maybe its just me .... but I don’t have the time to entertain fake people in my life. You and I are worth more than that.
"He Knows You"
An elderly couple was driving across the country.
While the woman was behind the wheel,
the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.
Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?" the officer said.
The woman , hard of hearing turned to her husband
and asked..."What did he say?"
He said you were speeding" the old man yelled.
The patrolman then asked..."May I see your license?"
The woman turned to her husband again, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled back.. "He wants to see your license!"
The woman then gave the officer her license.
"I see you are from Arkansas," the patrolman said.....
"I spent some time there once and went on a blind date
with the ugliest woman I've ever seen".
The woman turned to her husband again
and asked..."What did he say?"
The old man replied....."He said he knows you!"
PTSD SUCKS FOR ME
I do not know what you all know about PTSD, BUT I have it, and sometime an event will trigger a flash back to where I go into this insane mind place. I have trouble sleeping, my mind races I obsess about what has triggered it, and that is why I am wide awake at 5:20 am my obsessive mind will not let me sleep. I tried, but woke up shaking, and can not get back to sleep. I got 2 hrs sleep. That is better than the last time it triggered. Back then it lasted a week and I only got an hour sleep a day for the first 72 hrs of it. Let me tell you first-hand, lack of sleep is not good for anyone. I compounded my messed up mental state, and I really was not good to be around for a week. I really hope this one does not last that long.
Anyone who does not like this blog : DO NOT READ IT OR KEEP YOUR OPINION TO YOURSELF, BECAUSE FOR ONCE I WILL DELETE ANYTHING NEGATIVE POSTED. IU AM IN A BAD STATE OF MIND RIGHT NOW AND WILL NOT BE AS OPEN MINDED ABOUT NEGATIVE POSTS AS I USUALLY AM. ANYTHING NEGATIVE, KEEP IT TO YOUR SELF.
On the other hand, if anyone else has ptsd, and you know a way for me to get control of this latest episode, feel free to tell me. Helpful things will be appreciated.