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Pool 8 - 2009

Pool 8 - 2009

Pool 8 - 2009
2 years 135 days ago


    As promised here is an update on my family gathering.  The weather was very winter like on the trees and the grass , but the road was clear for the journey.   It was not nearly as stressful as I thought it would be.    I had managed to work out presents for my sister in laws parents.  My kind sister in law got in the back with her parents and allowed me to set up front with my brother.   That helped me keep from feeling so trapped in.   I have bad claustrophobia.   When we got there my sisters family had the place set up beautifully.   I gave my sister the Santa Clause table sitter I had made her as a hosts present, and the memorial ornament I make her with the loved ones we lost over the years pictures in it.   It had our parents, our brother and sister in law and my sisters husband.   I thought she would put it on the family tree at the gathering, but when she saw it she instructed me to take it in and put it high up on the tree in her living room.   I knew in her doing that she did not want the kids to break it.  
     The kids were so excited they wanted to get to the presents right away, but we always eat first then presents then any activities that are planned for the event.    I had made my oldest great niece a special necklace from a sea shell my brother ( her late grandfather) had brought back with him from his first trip to the ocean when he was around 16 years old.   I wanted her to have it because she was his only granddaughter.   She took it out and put it in the truck so it did not get broke or lost.   I used glass beads on the chain.
     All the food was so good as it usually is.   My niece makes the best ham gravy.   I do not know how she does it , but her ham gravy is never salty.   I heard the best news ever at the party.   My niece that has been working away from home for the past several years because of a downsize in the company she works for is getting transferred to a plant back near home and is getting a raise.   That was the best present ever to the whole family.   She and her husband have 2 little girls and for about 4 years they have been running the family from 2 states him here with the girls on the week days and her down in wv.   The only times she got to see her daughters was on weekends and on vacations.   Her oldest daughter is turning 13 this week and I noticed 2 years ago when my brother died at his wake her oldest daughter was really missing her mom.   The younger daughter was handling it better because she was always a daddy's girl even when she was a baby. 
     We played this game called candy bar bingo.   The people at the table I was sitting at was winning all the games the other table never won one.   My nephews wife won like 3 games and I won 1 their son won 1.  

     My nieces step daughter was there she has gotten so tall.   I was not sure who she was at first, but I should have known lol all her dads kids look just like daddy. 
     I could not believe all the presents I got.   Especially from my sister and her youngest daughters family.   Usually I get 1 or 2 from my sister and 1 from her daughter.   This year I got 3 from her daughters family and 4 from my sister.   I was like wow someone loves me.    Actually it looked like everyone loved me this year n0.116.gif .   My brother carried my gifts for the family in to the party and theirs to me out to the truck and into my house for me.   I love my family.   They are not perfect, but they are way better then some of my friends families.

     I was a little annoyed at my sister when I found out she deliberately did not tell me my sister in laws parents would be there.   She said she knew how I felt about the mother and was worried how I would react.   I was like seriously?    You actually thought I would react better finding out at the very last minute then I would if I had time to get it set in my mind.   Sometimes I think the girl does not understand me at all. lol   I can deal with anything as long as I know what is happening.   It is when I am hit with surprises that I sometimes melt down like I did in that earlier blog.


      I am in a mood to blog just because I feel the need to vent a little.    This year the family gathering is at my sisters house tomorrow to be exact.   My extended family gets together once a year at Christmas time.   I was really excited this year cause it is on Christmas eve just like it always used to be when mom was alive.  The last time it was on Christmas eve was in the 1990"s that was also the last time I had it at my house.   My house is quite small but I made all kinds of arrangements for it to work.   I bought all the food and cooked most of it by myself.  I felt so disrespected in my own home I said I would never have it in my house again.   I could tell you all abut it ,but I think I will just jump forward to where my brothers and sister and nieces started hosting the gathering.   They all set it so early in the month.   One year we actually had it Dec 8  and then I have nothing for Christmas cause I do not have a nuclear family anymore.   My one sister and one brother used to stop by on Christmas day for a bit to see me but they have stopped it sense my sister's husband has started having health probs and my brother became a grandpa.
     Christmas day is usually a very lonely day for me and with the gathering so far away from it I do not even have any gifts to open Christmas day , because even though some of them say they do not mind if i bring my gifts home to open Christmas day, those same people always ask me if I like the gift at the gathering.  If I do not open them at the gathering how the heck do I know if I like them on not???      So back to the point of this blog.   It will be Christmas eve this year and for the first time in years I was really happy about the date and excited.   I have all my presents for the family bought and wrapped and my nephews picture i painted for him done and framed.   Then around 4 pm last night the bottom dropped out of my happy and I wound up crying for about a half and hr.   I called my brother to see what time he is going to pick me up for the gathering ( I ride with him nearly every year).  He told me about 11 then he told me he had to pick up his in laws first.   I was shocked !   I was like what you need to pick them up for he was like they are going everyone was invited and they are going with us.   First thing went through my mind is will there be enough room for everyone.   My brother made a joke about me riding in the bed.   Then I thought sense when do they get invited to the family gathering, so I called my sister who is running it to ask that very question.   She had a very flip attitude wit me that she was hosting it and she could invite anyone she wanted.  I laughed it off but deep in side I was furious. You se SHE AND HER FAMILY meaning her kids and grand kids are having a private party after we all leave.  When she first told me she was doing that I made a joke about the rest of us not being good enough to join her "FAMILY" party, but when I found out she has invited a bunch of people who have never attended our family gathering before it made me mad.   She is taking time and attention away from my family by adding others to the party , but she is keeping her party all private and family only. 
     WHAT MAKES ME ANGRIEST OF ALL IS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THE EXTRA PEOPLE WHO ARE COMING.    Why do I feel they needed to consult me you may ask?   I DID NOT WANT TO BE CONSULTED I WANTED TO BE INFORMED OF THE OTHERS IN TIME I COULD GET THEM PRESENTS.   I get presents for everyone I know for a fact is coming to the gathering, and by not telling me till less then 24 hrs before the party there will be others there it would leave me without gifts for them.   I feel everyone should have a gift when everyone else is getting one.   I have been in the position of being the only one at a Christmas party that did not get anything when everyone else is getting gifts.   It made me feel like and outcast.   I also saw the look in a friends of mines eyes when one of our after school program teachers got me a present one Christmas and did not get her one because she had been gone for a while.    I think it is sad we one person is left out when everyone else is getting Christmas presents.   Some of the gifts I get are not really expensive but i get something for everyone, so the thought of leaving people out upsets me.   I managed to work it out barely. I had bought a few extra lanterns  like the ones I was giving a few people for Christmas this year so I gave the guy one of those, and his wife one of the necklaces I make,so they will have something .   I do not expect them to have anything for me, but that is ok cause it is not about what I get to me it is about making sure I give something to EVERYONE, because I do not want anyone to feel left out like I have in the past.  It really is better to give then to receive.   The look on someones face wen they did not think they were going to get anything is priceless.
     I have an anxiety problem and the sooner I know about changes in plans the better I deal with it.


     I am sitting here crying.   My boyfriend just called me to tell me he was on the way to the store to get my Christmas present.  That should make one happy to hear someone is getting them a present, but not me.   I am so upset and angry it is not even funny.   I asked him how he was getting there and the told me his mother was taking him.  That is how he usually gets where he is going, his mom drives him.   That would not normally be a problem, but what I have not told you yet is both his mother and his aunt were diagnosed with pneumonia Sunday, and she has not got hardly any of her medication into her yet.    I asked him why he was dragging his mother out with pneumonia.   I could not believe his answer.    He said it is not that cold out.   I was so angry.   I told him with pneumonia it does not need to be cold out to die from it.  
     It was then that my feelings of loss of my own mother took over.   I miss her every day.   I said to him I lost my mother do you want to lose yours.   He said no.   I said getting me a present is not as important as your mothers life.    He actually thought I would be excited because he was going to get it tonight.   I am so worried about his mom , I could care less about a present for me.    His mom is not a young woman, and it will take her a while to get well.   Running around where she can get other germs is not going to help her get better.   The fact my neighbor who is 93 fell the other day and broke her hip and I was already worried about her.   Now I have to worry about my b/f mom and how stupid they all are, because they were in the car on the way to Walmart when he called me.   I hate selfishness is outweighing good sense.   He may not see it as being selfish sense the plan was to get me a Christmas present, but I did not ask him to drag his mom out of her sick bed to get it.   In fact I keep telling her to rest and him to make sure she takes her medication.
     This time of year is hard for me anyhow, and now I am so scared I am going to lose another friend this year.   I do not know I may be a little selfish myself , because I do not want to lose another friend.   Over the years between the week before Thanksgiving and Christmas I have lost my father, my grandfather, two good friends, and the first man I ever loved.   I do not want to lose someone else I love this year.   So if I am selfish for not wanting my b/f to take his sick mom out shopping in hopes I will not lose another friend, then so be it.    I am do upset.   How do I get him to understand why going shopping with pneumonia is a realllllllllly bad idea even it if is warm outside.

You never know

   It is said you never know what you have till you lose it.   That can be very true.   I lost a friend some months ago and i really miss her.   Well she is not exactly lost I still see her on line, but she has me on ignore.   I sucks to have someone who was so important to me just cut me off like that.   I am not going to pretend I did not do anything wrong, but how do you fix a mistake if the person you hurt shuts down on you, and will not even allow you to try?   It hurts every day seeing her and remembering the good times we had and knowing they are probably gone for ever now.   Every room of my house has a reminder of her little things she sent me over the time i have know her.

How can you tel who you can trust?

     How can you tell who you can trust?   I have someone in my life I always thought of as a friend< but today he broke his word to me.   How do you go on with the friendship when you know your friend can not be trusted.   This is a net friend and it will never stop amazing me that people think because it is the net it is not real.   Behind every screen is a real person with real feelings.   People should not think just because you can not see them their feelings do not matter.